Beauty from the Ashes

Isaiah 61:3a — “He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.”

Lately, I have been catching myself holding Lennox just a little longer before putting him down.

His little chest rises and falls against mine, warm and steady, and I think about how this is my first Mother’s Day as a mom. I should be thrilled, and part of me is.

But the truth? It is complicated.

Because Mother’s Day has been hard for years. My own mom isn’t here anymore. And not a year goes by that I don’t wish I could call her, hear her laugh, or ask her how she handled all the mom-things I am just now beginning to understand.

But this year… there’s something new to celebrate

There’s Lennox.

There’s a sweetness to waking up in the night and knowing I get to be his safe place. And there’s my stepdaughter. We have had our rough patches—God knows blending families is not an easy road—but lately, there has been this trust growing between us. It is not perfect, but it is good.

And that is what I am holding on to.

I could stay in the sadness. I could make room only for what’s missing.

But I won’t.

Because I believe God can do something with all of it. The joy. The sting in my heart. The parts I wish were different. He does not waste a single piece.

You see, grief and joy can live side by side, and your pain is not pointless because the Lord can turn broken things and make them beautiful, even now.

So, if you are standing in the middle ground like me—with joy in one hand and sorrow in the other—just know you are not alone. God is still in it. He is still restoring, still healing, and still showing you the beauty you didn’t know was possible.

And this year? I am choosing to see it.